News With a Difference June 14, 2007

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- An elementary school teacher who says she was fired for talking to her students about peace activism has appealed her dismissal to the U.S. Supreme Court. Deb Mayer's attorney said he wants the high court to resolve lower-court disagreements about how much free-speech protection teachers have when they speak in class. The Doom Brothers entered an Amicus Curia brief on behalf of the teacher, “Look, the lady does not want to kill. The Doom Brothers find this an admirable belief in a teacher of CHILDREN!”

RICHMOND, Va. -- Relatives of the student gunman who killed 32 people on the Virginia Tech campus turned over his mental health records to a gubernatorial panel investigating the shootings, the panel's chairman said Thursday. Federal privacy laws governing health and student information had prevented the panel from reviewing Seung-Hui Cho's records. Panel Chairman W. Gerald Massengill had said he would go to court if necessary to obtain them. ''This is not all the records that we will need,'' Massengill told, The Doom Brothers ''but this is certainly some that we felt a strong need to take a look at.'' In addition to being a bit of a douche bag, Massengill apparently has a problem with speaking English. And closing the barn door after the horse is gone is hardly going to help anyone. The truth is that if anyone had been paying attention, maybe something could have been done.

PALATINE, Ill. -- A mother of two in this suburb of Chicago doesn't have to turn on the news for an update on NASA's space mission. She just flips on her baby monitor. Since Sunday, Natalie Meilinger's baby monitor has been picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis. ''Whoever has a baby monitor knows what you'll usually see,'' said the elementary school science teacher. ''No one would ever expect this.'' It is possible it is coming from a nearby computer in a sort of immaculate connection. But NASA says, ''It's not coming straight from the shuttle,'' NASA spokeswoman Brandi Dean said. ''People here think this is very interesting and you don't hear of it often -- if at all.'' Brandi, a fine girl, had no explanation as to why the baby was monitoring NASA’s astronauts. She denied that it was an effort to boost interest in the space program with the younger set.

WASHINGTON -- Former White House aide I. Lewis ''Scooter'' Libby plans to ask for a delay in his 2 1/2-year prison term in the CIA leak case, a longshot request before a judge who has said he sees no reason to grant it. Libby, the former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was due back in a federal courtroom Thursday morning to make the case that he shouldn't have to report to prison until his appeals have run out. But even if U.S. District Judge Reggie B. Walton were to order Libby to prison at Thursday's hearing, it is unlikely Libby would be taken away in handcuffs. Rather, it would lead to more maneuvering in Libby's legal fight. After all, the Doom Brothers point out, it is not like he is a convicted felon. He did not actually break the laws and cause irreparable harm to an individual and cost millions of dollars to the government of the United States and put in jeopardy the lives of some of most important undercover agents. Oh wait, he did, didn’t he? Well, he has friends in high places, he is white, and he is a Republican: he is not supposed to go to prison.

WASHINGTON -- President Bush, hoping to salvage immigration overhaul legislation, has agreed to an up front infusion of money for federal border security efforts in a concession designed to win over skeptical conservatives and to prove that he really is not a lame duck with this much time left in his misadministration. Bush supports setting aside all the fees and penalties in the bill solely for tougher security on the border and workplace enforcement, White House press secretary Tony Snow said Thursday. Tony Snow - the Liar in chief’s liar in chief - told the Doom Brothers, “Look, Bush looks like an idiot at this point so he is willing to say or do anything to not look like an idiot. I told him that this has the effect of making him look more idiotic, but I think the message was lost. What can you do?”