News With a Difference

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) -- Brian McGinness had an insatiable appetite for porn. Day after day, for more than eight years, he spent countless hours surfing the Web for it, usually on a computer that he used after business hours at his old job. All that started to change one Saturday morning in December after he attended a breakfast of ''Porn and Pancakes'' organized by XXXChurch.com, an online ministry created to get Christians talking about their X-rated addictions. The site offers information on how and where to get help, links to the ministry's podcasts, ''accountability'' software that tracks Internet sites visited by computer users and a list of upcoming appearances by members of ''the X3 crew’ - available in DVD or VHS Formats. The Doom Brothers point out that sparing the rod really does spoil the child.

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) -- A group of St. Louis School Board members have failed to block a state takeover of the city's schools, clearing the way for an appointed board to start running the district Friday. A judge rejected arguments Thursday night that the state acted unconstitutionally in removing the school district's accreditation and replacing its elected board with an appointed one. The State Board of Education voted in March to strip accreditation, saying the district came up short on academic and financial standards. A three-member board was appointed by the governor, mayor and alderman president to manage the schools. The Doom Brothers resident educational expert, P. Dan Tict, said, “Listen, I look forward to these legislators putting their money where their mouths are. They have been saying for years that the problem with the schools is in their administration. That is simply bullshit for the masses. The truth is that the board of education is the least of the problems. But if they think they can fix it that way, let them try.”

AFGHANISTAN-IRAN BORDER -- Dumped at this frontier outpost alongside hundreds of weary Afghan laborers, Khalil Jalil stepped out of Iran and back into Afghanistan only days after he said Iranian authorities beat him, threw him in the trunk of a car and locked him in a detention center. The 23-year-old's violent ejection is part of a broad Iranian crackdown on illegal Afghan migrants that has pushed more than 100,000 deportees across the border the past two months, leaving hundreds of Afghan families stranded without shelter and straining the impoverished country's resources. ( This story is called boilerplate from the AP. It is designed to make you hate Iran enough to sacrifice your children to go to war against them. The Associated Press is not what you think it is: it is an organization that regularly enhances stories to meet certain criteria that oddly enough coincides with the current administration’s policies. In a perfect world this story would be given purple type and be labeled as propaganda. But this is not a perfect world so the Doom Brothers simply call it for what it is: BULLSHIT)

BOSTON -- Massachusetts lawmakers threw out a proposed constitutional amendment Thursday that would have let voters decide whether to ban gay marriage in the only state that allows it. In a fit of rationality the legislature decided NOT to allow people who are not gay to vote on the rights of those who are. The Doom Brothers point out that this might be a good thing. Let’s let this logic spread throughout the land.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A foul-smelling package that led to the evacuation of a post office next to the Smithsonian's National Postal Museum contained two cans of spinach and a dirty diaper, authorities said. ''No wonder it smelled,'' said Deborah Yackley, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Postal Service. ''I don't know why it was being mailed.'' The Doom Brothers told Ms. Yackley that she had best be on the lookout for a sailor on leave carrying a baby in a too long nightgown answering to the name, Sweet Pea.