News With a Difference for Tuesday

ALBANIA: Though George Bush did find the one spot in the world where he is not reviled, he might not have found a new home yet. It seems when the Albanians opened their arms to welcome their hero, they also took his watch. According to the web site, Democratic Underground, when Bush greeted his "people" so enthusiastically by reaching out to touch them, they took his watch.

WASHINGTON -- Republicans blocked a Senate no-confidence vote on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Monday, rejecting a symbolic Democratic effort to force him from office amid blistering criticism from lawmakers in both parties. This parliamentary maneuver that is called the filibuster when used by Democrats was expected as the Republicans did not want to actually have to vote on supporting this jackass. But it is clear from the vote that they have. George Bush was said to have been excited by the outcome though he missed the vote having somehow lost track of the time.

WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration rejected a Securities and Exchange Commission recommendation in a key Supreme Court case and did not support shareholders suing Wall Street banks for damages over Enron's collapse. The Justice Department's solicitor general, who represents the administration in Supreme Court cases, did not file a friend-of-the-court brief by Monday's deadline. The SEC recently asked Solicitor General Paul Clement to file in support of the Enron shareholders. The move puts the Bush administration at odds with the federal agency that oversees securities markets as well as with dozens of states and several consumer and investor advocates. "What’s the big deal? The corporations hired us to do their bidding. We are. These people did not pay their dues the way our corporate clients have. We are here to do our best to take advantage of them: we are. God, you people are so naive! If you wanted someone to represent your interests, then vote for someone other a Republican." A spokesman told our economic’s reporter, Desire’ Buchs.

Washington: The Iraq Study Group, the Bipartisan Commission put together to try to save the President’s Sorry White Ass, has spoken again. James Baker and Lee Hamilton told the audience at the National Press Club that they believed the Bush administration was moving toward embracing more of the group's findings. Since the study's release, the Bush administration has accepted some of its key recommendations, including reaching out to Iran and Syria to discuss the violence in Iraq and placing conditions on U.S. aid to Iraq. Privately, Bush has told lawmakers he is considering adopting more of the panel's recommendations but wants to do so on his own timetable. The fact that the President is starting to move toward these actions after nearly a year, thousands wounded, hundreds killed, and billions lost seems lost on these star crossed lovers.

BRAINERD, Minn. -- Kandi Hanson has a history of run-ins with deer. She totaled her first car and damaged two others in collisions with deer. This weekend, the deer struck back. As Hanson approached the halfway mark of the 10-kilometer Sour Grapes Half and Half run Saturday, a spooked deer darted out of the woods and crashed into Hanson, tossing the 28-year-old into the air and sending her sprawling onto the grass before disappearing into the woods. ''We started running a little bit again and Lottie yelled out, 'Here comes another one' and I couldn't get out of the way fast enough, it plowed into me.'' Hanson was ticked for trying to buck the system? She fawned innocense? Doe!