News With a Difference for Sunday

SAN FRANCISCO: A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting. Theoretically the bomb would work in this way. On one hand it would release vast quantities of aphrodisiacs into the air inciting soldiers to make love not war. The second part of the chemical release, and this is the really slick part, would cause the soldiers to turn gay. So when the bomb went off, instead of killing each other: the belief was that they would strip, stop killing, and start drilling each other on the battlefield. A disappointed developer of the bomb, Colonel Bruce Boynkems, told the Doom Brothers, “Look, it would have worked too. Our only problem was that there simply were no aphrodisiacs nor any chemical stimulants to become gay. Other than that it was a really good plan.”

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan -- Pakistan will join an international initiative aimed at keeping nuclear materials out of the hands of terrorists, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs said. The initiative, however, only applies to civilian ''facilities and activities,'' the ministry said in a statement late Saturday. ''Pakistan has declared that the global initiative does not cover Pakistan's military nuclear facilities or activities.” (Again, a story the Doom Brothers simply cannot improve upon as the Pakistanis have been shown to be profiting by selling nuclear material all over the world. Sheesh!)

HOUSTON -- Space shuttle Atlantis sped Sunday toward a rendezvous with the international space station -- the first of 2007 -- with a peeled-back corner of a thermal blanket being the biggest concern tracked by engineers on the ground. The erect shuttle thrust its way closer and closer to the quivering space station that lay still and quiet in anticipation.

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Google Inc.'s privacy practices are the worst among the Internet's top destinations, according to a watchdog group seeking to intensify the recent focus on how the online search leader handles personal information about its users. A Google Spokeman, Weno Yoo, said, “And Jeremy Wasserman of 243 Shatler Road in Oakland, California, attorney for Wendell, Murkey, and Derr, member of the Fifth Street Baptist Church, two moles on your back, beats off to the site, Wild Women in Bondage three times a week at 8:24 in the AM, we do not spy on people. That is a big lie!”

SAN DIEGO (AP) -- An investigating officer has recommended dismissing charges against a Marine lawyer accused of failing to probe the killings of 24 Iraqis in the town of Haditha, the defense attorney said Saturday. Capt. Randy W. Stone, 34, was charged with failing to report and investigate the deaths of the men, women and children in a deadly sweep on a chaotic day of battle in the village. His attorney, Charles Gittins, said investigating officer Maj. Thomas McCann concluded in a report to the commanding general overseeing the case that Stone should not face court-martial and the matter should be handled administratively. At Stone's preliminary hearing last month at Camp Pendleton, he argued that he never ordered an investigation into the killings because he believed the deaths resulted from lawful combat. “Besides,” A spokesman said, “They were just brown people, and Iraqis to boot, who cares? I mean this is an educated American we are talking about and these people are just ignorant ragheads: sand monkeys if you will. Who cares?”