Bush Speaks - Doom Brothers Interpret

July 10, 2007
Bush Is Defiantly Insane as Criticism Over Iraq Mounts

The Doom Brothers

WASHINGTON, July 10 — With his Iraq policy under intensified criticism and debate, President Bush reiterated his “stay the course” message today while saying that the Iraqis themselves must take more responsibility. Critics of the war should give Gen. David H. Petraeus, the American commander in Iraq, “a chance to come back and tell us whether his strategy’s working, and then we can work together on a way forward,” Mr. Bush told a friendly, business-oriented audience in Cleveland. The crowd, in stunned silence, buried their heads in their hands and openly wept. With a few taps from the deacon’s stick wielded by the Secret Service, smiles were soon pasted back in place and shoulders rubbed.

“In the meantime, the Iraqis have got to do more work,” Mr. Bush said, noting that he is about to give Congress a report on “some of the accomplishments and some of the shortfalls of their political process. Well, actually, there are no accomplishments but we are desperately trying to make up something. Karl has his team working on it full-time now. And we also have our writers trying to create a scenario that is more in keeping with the faux reality that we, as Republicans, prefer.”

As Mr. Bush was speaking, Congress was beginning an intensive two-week debate on the war. A growing number of lawmakers, including several prominent Republicans as well as Democratic opponents of the war, are now voicing skepticism and pessimism. They seem sure to use a Senate debate on a military-spending bill this week as an occasion for a renewed barrage against the administration’s policy. Some critics will try to attach troop-withdrawal timetables to the bill.

Mr. Bush told the Cleveland audience that he appeciates “how tough it is on our psyche” to be fighting a war, and that he ever wanted to be “a war president. Really, a chance to wear my Commander in Chief Pajamas and all: what an opportunity. I got to fly in a jumpsuit. Shoot a gun. Man, this being a war president is the greatest thing ever. Wait, better not print that. Can you just say I never wanted to be a war president? It sounds better.”

“I fully understand that when you watch the violence on TV every night - even though we have forbidden the news media from showing it - that people are saying, is it worth it? Can we accomplish any one of our objectives?” Mr. Bush said. “Well, first, I want to tell you, yes, we can accomplish and win this fight in Iraq and it will take much less than the fifty years that people are talking about. I am guessing we can do it in a decade less than that. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “I have seen the promised land and though I might not get there with you, mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord! . And secondly, I want to tell you, we must, for the sake of our children and our grandchildren and because I don’t want to seem anymore like the wastrel son of failed president, in essence, a bigger failure than my father. We will stay there as long as it takes to make me look like a success and to have my presidency become popular again.””

The president said his commitment to building a free Iraq stems from the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and his determination not to allow America to be caught unaware again. He has long described the campaign in Iraq as part of a wider war on terror. His critics and rational people everywhere except the news media have long proven that he has falsely implied a link between Iraq and the Sept. 11 attacks and he has done so repeatedly. A bald faced lie to end all bald faced lies. A lie told with the collusion of the media whose job it is to protect the people from politician’s lies. . .

Mr. Bush told the audience that an American failure in Iraq would embolden terrorists and encourage attacks on the United States, but that success in Iraq would mean a stable, democratic government there that would be an anchor around the neck of the United States economy and people for the foreseeable future.

The White House issued a statement in advance of the president’s remarks, accusing his harshest critics of spreading a “myth” that the war was already lost, contrary to the opinions of American military leaders and diplomats. “We have not lost this fight, “We have,” in the words of our greatest seaman, John Paul Jones, “only begun to fight!”

Mr. Bush received some strong support today from Senator John McCain, who said on the Senate floor that, though badly executed to begin with, the war in Iraq must nonetheless be prosecuted vigorously now. Mr. McCain said that beginning to remove American troops from Iraq now would have devastating consequences for the region. He implored lawmakers not to give up on the military mission before it has had time to fully succeed. McCain went on to explain the full Tinkerbell Strategy he and the other Republicans were advocating, “You just have to believe and clap. If you do not clap, then Tinkerbell will die. If you do not give more money and children to be killed, the war will be lost. Clap harder, motherfuckers.”